How to create breathing space...for 2020

Pausing...
Do you feel like your life is rushing by? Like there is no space to breathe, to play, to create, to love?  It's just task, errand, work, TV, sleep...Facebook videos...What do we do with our time?  Do we even know?

I love my work... I get to explore and play with these questions everyday.  How can we make cleaning our homes not only healthy and efficient but enjoyable and nourishing?  How can we love our lives and have room to play in any weather and any season?

Pausing...do you pause?  Or rush from task to task, from action to action to rest and then up and going again.  Do we let our breath complete it's cycle, our food space to digest, our minds space to wonder and ponder?  Do we think of our lives as circles repeating or a race to run?

As the new year rolls around, I'm fascinated by our habits.  I live in the world of habits.  Most of my coaching is around not goals but daily habits.   Cleaning, breathing, un-cluttering, health, happiness, creating space to ....????

These are lifestyle habits more than goal driven actions.  A lifestyle action focuses more on the practice of doing... to get the outcome you wish.  A goal driven action focuses on the end result. I believe in enjoying the journey...and arriving where we wish to go.

 Pausing gives our daily music form.   We relax our bodies, untangle our minds and let our natural beauty have space to be.  Think of time as a circle instead of a destination.  Our destinations are all the same...we will all pass away.  This is life.  If we focus on the circles within our life's journey, we give ourselves space to play, to nourish and improve our life skills.

Where are the circles?  And what do they have to do with Pausing?
    Circles...each minute is 60 seconds, an hour 60 minutes, a day 24 hours, a week, 7 days a month 30 days, a season 3 months, a year 12 months...After each segment- we circle back to the beginning.  We are back to January.  Circles give us rhythm.  They give us natural measurements.  They move with the seasons and are ever shifting with the seasons.
    Pausing...is learning to pause within the circles.  To pause between projects, at the beginning of each new day...at the end.  Pausing before we eat to be thankful and present.  Pausing before we begin to visualize how we want this segment to go...how we want to feel.  Pausing at the end of a cycle a circle to ask...how did this go?  What could we have done differently, what did we love?

  The truth is each second is a gift.  No matter what we are doing, it is our lives.  Our lives are impermanent, imperfect and uniquely our own..we share this with others.  Learning to pause between the circles... to be present and to relax.

  When we are in a relaxed and receptive state we are more intuitive.  When we are happy we are healthier, our ability to problem solve higher, our natural ease of connection is improved.
When we learn to pause, we let our bodies relax... We hop off the treadmill and go wash dishes. And then we have a conversation.  We put down our cell phones, turn off the marathon tv series.  We put down our fork and smile.  We create space to create.

When we pause, we give our lives space.  By thinking in terms of circles.  We can practice being and living instead of racing.  This is not a practice of wondering around. we still have a vision of our future and how we want to feel.  The practice of pausing and feeling makes the path more enjoyable.  And when we get to our destination we are not out of breath, exhausted and depleted by life... but nourished each step along the way.

We live in abundance.  Sometimes we need to pause from abundance to breathe.  To create nourishment instead of gathering more.

Do this...

Practice pausing.  3 times a day for 3 minutes each pause.  Become still. listen, breath, smile, relax your shoulders, breathe deeper and slower.  Soften your eyes, relax your neck, soften your belly and stand tall. gently put your shoulder blades down from your ears and into your back pockets.  Listen... Listen what do you hear?  How does your body feel?
                Finish with saying a little blessing or kindness to someone or something.
                See your world as you wish it to be.

And this... create a home for your pause... first thing in the morning, before sleep, before you eat... when you pee, between projects... find a home for your pause.

And then do this...  Let me know how it goes.  Do this for a week.  or a day.. how did it feel.  Try it again tomorrow...

         Happy Pausing,
               Denise Frakes- life and home coach

6 ways to turn your New Year's Resolution into a successful habit!

 The average New Year's resolution lasts for just 18 days!!  18 days is just the beginning of a good love story.
 Unless we know the secret to keeping our resolutions and turning them into a love story. Those beautiful, passionate wishes and dreams we have for 2020 will be gone in 18 days.

Why do we fail and why are we afraid to even try?  We can blame our brains.  We are all creatures of habit.  Our brains are wired to create habits.  Habits help us go on automatic pilot, which conserves our energy.  We have super efficient brains.  It is our gift and like all gifts it can also become our Achilles' heel.

Once our brain decides our consistent actions are a habit- it will hold on for dear life.  Did you know most of our deep rooted habits are formed before we are 9 years old?  We learn by mirroring our family and those closest to us.  This is one of the main reasons family habits get passed from generation to generation.  We are wired to repeat.  That's the good new and bad new.  Great if you have beautiful healthy habits.  Bad news if your habits are less than awesome.

So what does this have to do with New Year's resolutions and the 18 day average?  Everything!!!  When we make a new years resolution we need to change habits.  Before we can add on a new habit we need to at least identify what habit we want to reduce or illuminate.  Real change is habit changing. Or substituting one action for another.

 Resolutions give us vision...but it's the daily actions that gives us results. 

Habits require:  Consistency, Persistency and Tender Loving Care

   Research says the average habit takes 66 days to become a habit.  A more complicated habit can take up to 254 days... and that is if the new habit is practiced with daily frequency and diligence.  If we don't take consistent care, in about 18 days our existing  habits will rise up and take their rightful space in our brains again.  This overrides our beautiful New Year's Resolutions and leaves them to wilt.

Think of Your new years habits as baby seeds.  Seeds need time to sprout, to grow roots to make it past the dirt and into sunshine.

6 tips to turn resolutions into totally doable habits that grow deep roots!

1.  Make you new goal a tiny daily action.  Doable- everyday in any weather.  I know want big changes... the best way to get there is through habits.  Start with a habit that is so simple and small An action you can do everyday not matter what...even on those days when you run out of time, have company show up, it's raining, you have a cold...life happens.  On the great days, you can do more but the key to a habit is persistence, frequency and consistency.  Doing a little bit every day. 1 mile or 15 minutes of walking, Unplugging from social media at 9pm...

2.  Tag it with an existing habit.  What do you already do everyday?  Add your habit to that habit.  Your brain wont complain.  It's like adding a chicken to the hen house at night.  You already have the space and time...Your brain likes that.

3.  Use time habits.  Time is consistent. We are habitual about what we do at certain times of the day.  Add your new habit to your morning, when you get home from work, before you settle in and watch TV, turn on the computer each night, before bed...add in your new healthy habit.

4.  Give it an ending date.   Instead of telling your brain.  "You have to do this the rest of your life..."  Say "I'm going to try this for 66 days and then see how we are doing."  At the end of 66 days you can make a intentional decision to adjust your habit, stop it or continue... Giving yourself an out, reduces stress. Staying with your new habit past 66 days gives you time to nourish a habit and see how it is impacting your life...  (1000 days of continual action moves you to becoming a master...)

5.  Give it a home.  By having a consisting time of day or a place in your schedule, you give your new habit a home.  We need to create space for what is truly important. Everything and everyone feels better when there is a nourishing home to go to.  Habits are the same way.  Create a cozy home for your friend.

6  Build one habit at a time.  Habits need care and focus.  It's better to fully develop one true habit than watch a huge dream wash away again this year.  Instead of one big new years resolution, change a habit a month, or 6 this year or one per season. In a month or two you can start up a another new habit... It's better to slowly create sustainable life changing habits over an entire year- than have one big dream loose footing in 18 days.

One little change can start a domino effect of many changes.  By cultivating habits we use our brains to help us create change.  If you want to learn more... one of my favorite resources and inspirations for this blog was Tom Corely's book:  Change your habits, Change your life.  It's an easy read that packs a big punch...kind of like habits.

Start here:  Look at your wishes, dreams, new year's resolutions or even the word or intention of the year.  Look at a habit you might want to reduce.... or a habit you can add.  (habit- daily persistent action) Apply your resolution habit... to the one or more of the 6 tips and turn your wishes into habits.

Let me know what and how your are doing!  Having support is good for habits and goals... we are over 65% more likely to achieve our goals with support.  I love being a coach!!

Happy New Year and New Decade!!
          Denise- home and life coach

FYI:  If you click here to buy Tom's book.  I got set up as an affiliate of Amazon this year so I can add income to support this blog.  If you want to support me, please by the book through the link, hire me to speak at your events or as your own personal coach.  Thank you and happy habit creating...

Epiphany Season Starts Now!

Epiphany:  A moment of sudden revelation or insights…  a manifestation of a divine or supernatural being… the festival commemorating the Epiphany on January 6^th  (Seri definition)

This is our Penny Kitty

Epiphany day was introduced to be by my aunt Darlene. I love the idea of a whole day for just for Epiphanies.

How I celebrate 

Epiphany day: the day we get and celebrate Epiphanies 

This year I'm using the 12 days of Christmas as 12 delightful days to cultivate and create space for Epiphanies...and set in motion a beautiful 2020

Yes, I know I'm redefining the meaning of both the 12 Days of Christmas and Epiphany Day.  Can I do that?  Yes, I can. As far as I know there is no such thing as Holiday police.

 The secret to a great ending is a brilliant beginning.  That’s exactly what Epiphany season is... creating space for the new year...the new decade.

The season goes something like this… 

On the first day of Christmas …which is also Epiphany season, my true love gave to me…

             1 hour to play and a freshly cleaned out office storage cabinet...

On the second day of Christmas… which is also Epiphany season, my true love gave to me

              …...…?????...…   You get the gist

  How do you want to live in 2020?  

From Dec 26th to Jan 6th...

                    clean; clean out; discover; create space for 2020; to encourage Epiphanies …

                                          Pay attention…Epiphanies are quick and nibble                                          

      One more thing…have fun!  Epiphanies love delight.       

The more fun you have the more Epiphanies you'll attract.

                                       Happy Epiphany Season... it's magical
                                                                             Denise Frakes… Seasonal Epiphany Coach...