Sit still and be interesting

"When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety.

If I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me and without pain.

From this I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me."

Rumi

 When I was a kid, my job (self imposed) was to help tame our baby calves and barn kittens.  It didn't take long to learn that if I chased them...they ran.  It was when I got still, sat and did something interesting that they would come to me.   When I think of Rumi's words, I know it to be true.  Denise stop chasing, sit still, be interesting and wait for my little friends to come visit me.

    Just a thought, when you feel like you should "go after"  your dreams.

                                                    Denise

Life coaching...Seeing you as the miracle you already are

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”  Albert Einstein

This is how I see you...as a miracle.   

  What I love about coaching is:  I'm not here to change you but help you uncover and discover you.  When we work together, we are partners.  You are whole, beautiful and fully capable. The nature of life, hides what is right there.  Our lives are habitual...40% of our daily actions are lost to us.  Coaching isn't to fix something missing. Coaching is shining a light on your essence, your perfectly imperfectly authentic beautiful you.

This week, I was cleaning out my office files...and came upon, the 7 commitments of a Transformation coach.  Thought you might just like to know what they are.  

1.  I honor the sacredness of others and hold their confidences

2.  I respect other's perceptions of the world and meet them were they are

3. I am impeccable with my word and commitments

4. I connect from the heart

5. I hold my client and the world in a positives focus

6. I take responsibility for myself and allow others to do the same

7. I see all people as whole, full and complete

Our work together is sacred.  Your life, your home, your possibilities are sacred.  This is why I was so drawn to the transformation life coaching program.  I see the miracle of you, even when you might have lost sight of your natural essence.   We work together not to change you, but to remind you of your value, to honor, uncover your dreams.  I merely reflect back to you the wonder I see in you.

You may be going through some irksome times. Our world is, and we are part of this greater whole.  What I urge you and will continue to cultivate in my own life is seeing each other and our world.. all it's glory and struggles...in a positive focus. Having faith in each other to be resilient, beautiful, creative and kind.  To see what might be hidden behind clutter, anger, fear, sorrow, lack of sleep, anxiety and too much sugar.  Our beautiful spirits never go away...sometimes we  just get a little residue on the outside.  Nothing a good cleaning can't take care of.

           From my own cleaning out reflections,

                       Denise Frakes... may you journey beautifully

     

September Resolutions...authentic requests of the soul

 September Resolutions....make more sense than our traditional January resolutions.  Is it just me or do you too feel like you are already behind by the time your resolutions are made in Jan? Spring is right around the corner, you hit the new year running...even if your spirit and body want to hibernate. Is that anyway to begin anything?

  As September rolled in, I was once again drawn my Simple Abundance book.  I've had this book for years and yet, when it calls my name, it is timely and spot on.  If you have this book go to Sept 1st's entry.  Turning over a new leaf.  

   Sarah reminds us September has been the beginning not ending of the year since ancient times.  When did we change that?  Traditionally, September was the time for reflection, atonement and pausing to look at our lives.  What do we do? What have we done? What are we called to do?

  "What we need in autumn is an emotional or spiritual shot in the arm."  Katharine Elizabeth Fite wrote in Good Housekeeping in 1949, urging the beginning of a new tradition for women: personal and positive resolutions in September. "Why do you suppose so many of us waste the autumn? Why don't we make the effort that would provide something new in our lives?"  January's negative resolutions "are made when we are worn out in spirit, body, and pocketbook, and have no real urge to do anything but rest."

   "It seems to me that January resolutions are about will; September resolutions are about authentic wants.  What do you want more or less of in your life, so that you can love the life you're leading?"

   "The beauty of autumnal resolutions is that no one else knows we're making them.  Autumnal resolutions don't require horns, confetti, and champagne.  September resolutions ask only that we be open to positive change."            September 1st Simple Abundance  Sarah Ban Breathnach.

   Sarah published Simple Abundance in 1995- 25 years ago.  Katharine Elizabeth Fite wrote about  September resolutions in 1949 - 71 years ago.  Wise advise is timeless! 

  September brings change in the seasons and weather...and with these changes we naturally have a desire to shift, to prepare for winter, to make big pots of soup and create cozy homes.  To clean out our homes, our garden and lives so the new year lands softly and not like a thud on our tired hearts.

   2020 and COVID, made resolutions and goals almost seem comical.  Most of our "plans and goals" got quarantined.  These kind of goals and resolutions are not what we are talking about.  This is the season to clean out, to prep, to let go of what doesn't feed us, to create space for authentic spiritual requests of mind, body and soul.  

I highly recommend taking a day, a hour, a breath in your September to go within and ask yourself.  What do you need to do this autumn to pave the way for a kind winter, a beautiful beginning to 2021?

We all know how much we can't control...but we are not helpless in this world.  By creating a vision and space for our spirit and authentic wants...just maybe we can create a simply abundant 2021.

   May your new year be sweet and inspired.  Now is the time to create your life...quietly,

              Denise Frakes

  

     

Moving Slow...builds strength

Last night I could barely walk...most likely I have plantar fasciitis.  Even though it's extremely painful.  I know it is also a less in listening.  As I'm laying in bed, not wanting to get out and step down..I started thinking. How I decide this injury to be will be what it becomes.  Just like cleaning.  Cleaning can be a chore, a practice, a struggle, a gift.  How I look at an object or activity gives me my own meaning.  What if this injury is a Divine gift?  What if it is catapults me forward in the right direction?  What if it is the answer to a prayer?

When I walk very slowly, take tiny steps, mindfully and with beautifully tall posture...my foot has some relief.  I can move.  While I'm moving slow in my own home, to the north of me, my beautiful sister...who just had her little boy Penrhyn, a couple weeks ago😊, is also moving slow.  A leg injury from giving birth.  There is no option for either of us but to move slow...and keep going forward.

In one of my favorite books, Born to Run, Christopher McDougal talks about a Japanese training style for long distance runners. They train first by learning to walk ultra slow.  I would guess this gives your body a wisdom of movement, of core strength, built not just by the big and powerful muscles but also by the tiny and essential micro muscles and fascia.  Of which I have probably overruled most of my life. Overruled and ignored so I can move fast, while my mind over thinks and my body presses on. 

Choosing to shift my thinking from being injured to a new form of training shifts my emotions.  This shift my seem insignificant.  1 degree in another direction changes everything.  The shift is enormous.  Instead of fear, frustration and despair, I'm instantly transported in to curious, learning and exploration.  I'm in training.

My injury is ripe with a real world metaphor.  The tiny muscles of our body...can be over powered for a while but not forever.  Imbalance happen and when imbalance happens, our body/communities/country will at some point adjust. When ignored,the re-alignment is painful and untimely.   There is a natural flow of the universe...to come back to balance. 

Yesterday on my way home from a run, I was busy texting and calling people... I was far from present.  I pride myself in being present and loving my runs and nature...but I ran past my body talking to me, She tried to get me to listen...I ignored her.  This is what I have to say for myself

I'm sorry, please forgive me

Thank you, I love you

I'm listening

This Hawaiian prayer can be used for anything.  Today it is for my foot, our country, my spirit and those in the world I have ignored.  I thank Christopher McDougall for sharing this ancient practice of training ultra slow, to remind me that slow and mindful is not moving backwards but a legitimate way of moving forward. Life, when done fully present, builds a balanced and healthy foundation of both the tiny muscles and the large ones.  

May your journey be kind and wise...even when moving slowly.

            Denise

Rebooting our Immune System

Good morning, It's early Sat morning as I writing you.  How are you doing this morning?  We are in some strange and stressful times.  How are you managing all this?  I've found I have days of feeling super confident and powerful which will be followed by a day of wondering and low energy.  I know this is normal, it is stress showing up.  We all have stress.  The stress level of our entire world has exponentially increased.

Yesterday I was reading one of my favorite books.  Born to Run- if you follow me, you know I'm a huge fan of journeys. exploration, nature, human nature and running... this book has it all in spades.  It's about modern day ultra athletes and an ancient running people the Tarahumara.  On page 37 they are talking about a group of Tarahumara who started living the modern life...with it came foods they had "rarely eaten - soda, chocolate, rice, sugar, butter, flower.  They developed a taste for starch and treats.....that was twenty years ago. "Now, there are no runners in Yerbabuena."  What I know for sure...Food is Medicine.  Food can also be a thief.  Poor food choices steal our health.

This passage struck a cord with me.  I've been giving myself more than normal treats, comfort foods, baked goods, chocolate, butter... rich foods.  My body doesn't work as well on these foods. My brain gets foggy.  My immune system isn't as powerful.  I know eating has a tremendous impact of my own vitality.  I've known this for years.  Just because we know something doesn't mean we always are perfect- hardly. 

 Nutrition and stress are directly linked.  Up your nutrition...your stress decreases...lower your nutrition...your stress will increase.

I run a pretty clean personal health ship because I like to feel good.  When I'm stressed, I up my self care...which includes nourishing foods. foods that reduce my own stress.  Lately I'm feeling signs of high stress... I'm more emotional, fuzzy brained, up's and downs in my energy, lowered decision making... that's my body, mind and spirit talking to me.  I'm listening...

I invite you to join me.  For the next two weeks, I'll be upping self care and lowering things I know drop my vitality, focus and immunity.  Two weeks isn't very long. It's doable.  I know from experience rebooting my vitality is priceless.- it is essential.  

Morning pre-shot routine

 "You have to remember that a pre-shot routines main purpose is a calming effect. Approaching your shots in the same fashion for each swing lets your mind go on autopilot. Repeating your routine each time helps you repeat your swing each time. This is particularly true when the pressure is on".  Frank Mantua Golf Professional

How I start my morning tends to carry through my day.   Have you ever played golf?  I'm always amazed how much better I play when I visualize my shots and have an effective pre-shot routine.

Since December 1st, I've been intentionally practicing my morning pre-shot routines. As I type, I'm in the middle of morning's pre-shot routine.  Today is day 69 of this practice.

I was listening to Mel Robin's audiobook, the 5 second rule.  She talks a lot about sleep and what happens if you hit the snooze button.  How if you wake up, hit snooze and go back to sleep, our bodies go back into another sleep cycle.  If we wake up before that sleep cycle is up, we can be groggy for another 4 hours!  Plus, our brain works better for the first 2-3 hours of the day.  This wasn't hard sell. I've know, if I wake up slowly...my brain is groggy. Days I wake up groggy are not as easy.

That's what started this morning practice...that plus I needed to get some extra writing done for a client. I was feeling anxious about when I could write... so I started creating a nourishing pre-shot routine to my day... A morning routine that supports my happiness, health, gives me a home to write and create my day.

new sprouts in winter

As I type it is 6:09 in the morning.  My face is washed, teeth are brushed, I've got a nice warm cup of hot water sitting by me.  And here I am typing away.

When I help families downsize and create cozy lovely rich and nourishing spaces, we usually need to start creating homes for their most used and beloved things.  Everything feels better when it has a home- a place to be.  The same goes for our goals, our happiness our health... If you want to live happy- create a home for what you treasure the most.  For me, I know I'm a better human when my morning starts nourishing, unrushed, creative.  When I have space and time to do morning movement, yoga, radiance exercises, quiet time to settle my thoughts, plan my day, to meditate, pray etc.

 My morning pre-shot routine is predictable. Although, I am mindful to keep asking questions and noticing how it's going and how I feel the rest of the day.  I'm creating a habit, a pre-shot routine to my day.

My morning routine is space for me to breathe. I don't start my day rushing or slamming a cup of coffee...I start the day kindly and with beautiful intentions.

 I've noticed my happiness is easier on mornings when I set the intentions of my day.  My relationships feeling more nourishing and connected.  I'm a better listener.  I've absolutely done more writing.  Sometimes, like today I'll pop in a write a blog or work on an article...most days I write for myself.

Your pre-shot routine will look different than mine but I whole heartedly recommend you start one.

 The basics are this...

    When you wake up- get up.  I usually start by brushing my teeth, stretching a bit and washing my face with cold water... this wakes me up.  Then I make myself a nice big warm cup of water...sometimes with lemon.
    Secondly, honor and nourish the first 2-3 hours of the day as the most productive time for doing what matters the most.  This is time for my healthy, my spirit. Time to prep my day, work on my current projects, and write.  I'm very mindful of what I put in this time....it's sacred time.

    Like all good journey's it takes time to see what happened from the practice of a nourishing routine....I try not to judge the results.  I have faith in the process of creating space and home for love to flourish.  Practices like this is transform your life.

It takes time for plants to grow roots and bloom.

please note, I got set up this year as an amazon affiliate- meaning if you buy from a link I give I earn income.  Thank you

A little less wobbling please...

When walking, just walk. When sitting, just sit. But above all don’t wobble!  Lin Chi

How much do we wobble? 

 Instead of being present, how much of our lives is spent in wobbling mode... trying to do 2-3-4 things at once?  Have you been to a coffee shop lately?  How many of us are sitting with someone...but looking at our cell phones?  How long do we hold focus on a project before we are interrupted...the phone rings, a text or pop up appears, we get hungry?....
We loose our focus...we start wobbling.

If we want to un-stress our lives and be who we are capable of being … become present... an undistracted version of ourselves.  Imagine showing up everyday...fully us.  Not wobbling, but clear, present and engaged.  

listening, tasting, seeing, smelling, feeling... present...

Who could we all become and what are we cable of doing by just reducing distractions and limiting our wobbling?  

When we are going to write...we write

When we do the dishes... we do the dishes

When we watch tv...we watch tv

When we listen...we listen

When we walk... we walk

When we drive... we drive

What a novel idea right?  It is stupidly simple...and yet

Why are we a society of distracted souls?  

More importantly... how do we want to show up in this world?

The truth is, when we are fully ourselves, nourished, happy and healthy, we make the world a better place.  We show up. 

It's usually in the removal that we find true selves... not in the addition of.  Practicing the art of subtraction makes room for our lives to breath and then to flourish.  A life that flourishes has a way of spreading beyond ourselves.  Like the internet, we are a web of connections.  Imagine if all our connectors we clean, happy and healthy working together.  Presently

A morning thought

   from my desk 

       during my own quiet time

un-wobbled space

Denise Frakes...wobbler, runner, writer.....

       

How to create breathing space...for 2020

Pausing...
Do you feel like your life is rushing by? Like there is no space to breathe, to play, to create, to love?  It's just task, errand, work, TV, sleep...Facebook videos...What do we do with our time?  Do we even know?

I love my work... I get to explore and play with these questions everyday.  How can we make cleaning our homes not only healthy and efficient but enjoyable and nourishing?  How can we love our lives and have room to play in any weather and any season?

Pausing...do you pause?  Or rush from task to task, from action to action to rest and then up and going again.  Do we let our breath complete it's cycle, our food space to digest, our minds space to wonder and ponder?  Do we think of our lives as circles repeating or a race to run?

As the new year rolls around, I'm fascinated by our habits.  I live in the world of habits.  Most of my coaching is around not goals but daily habits.   Cleaning, breathing, un-cluttering, health, happiness, creating space to ....????

These are lifestyle habits more than goal driven actions.  A lifestyle action focuses more on the practice of doing... to get the outcome you wish.  A goal driven action focuses on the end result. I believe in enjoying the journey...and arriving where we wish to go.

 Pausing gives our daily music form.   We relax our bodies, untangle our minds and let our natural beauty have space to be.  Think of time as a circle instead of a destination.  Our destinations are all the same...we will all pass away.  This is life.  If we focus on the circles within our life's journey, we give ourselves space to play, to nourish and improve our life skills.

Where are the circles?  And what do they have to do with Pausing?
    Circles...each minute is 60 seconds, an hour 60 minutes, a day 24 hours, a week, 7 days a month 30 days, a season 3 months, a year 12 months...After each segment- we circle back to the beginning.  We are back to January.  Circles give us rhythm.  They give us natural measurements.  They move with the seasons and are ever shifting with the seasons.
    Pausing...is learning to pause within the circles.  To pause between projects, at the beginning of each new day...at the end.  Pausing before we eat to be thankful and present.  Pausing before we begin to visualize how we want this segment to go...how we want to feel.  Pausing at the end of a cycle a circle to ask...how did this go?  What could we have done differently, what did we love?

  The truth is each second is a gift.  No matter what we are doing, it is our lives.  Our lives are impermanent, imperfect and uniquely our own..we share this with others.  Learning to pause between the circles... to be present and to relax.

  When we are in a relaxed and receptive state we are more intuitive.  When we are happy we are healthier, our ability to problem solve higher, our natural ease of connection is improved.
When we learn to pause, we let our bodies relax... We hop off the treadmill and go wash dishes. And then we have a conversation.  We put down our cell phones, turn off the marathon tv series.  We put down our fork and smile.  We create space to create.

When we pause, we give our lives space.  By thinking in terms of circles.  We can practice being and living instead of racing.  This is not a practice of wondering around. we still have a vision of our future and how we want to feel.  The practice of pausing and feeling makes the path more enjoyable.  And when we get to our destination we are not out of breath, exhausted and depleted by life... but nourished each step along the way.

We live in abundance.  Sometimes we need to pause from abundance to breathe.  To create nourishment instead of gathering more.

Do this...

Practice pausing.  3 times a day for 3 minutes each pause.  Become still. listen, breath, smile, relax your shoulders, breathe deeper and slower.  Soften your eyes, relax your neck, soften your belly and stand tall. gently put your shoulder blades down from your ears and into your back pockets.  Listen... Listen what do you hear?  How does your body feel?
                Finish with saying a little blessing or kindness to someone or something.
                See your world as you wish it to be.

And this... create a home for your pause... first thing in the morning, before sleep, before you eat... when you pee, between projects... find a home for your pause.

And then do this...  Let me know how it goes.  Do this for a week.  or a day.. how did it feel.  Try it again tomorrow...

         Happy Pausing,
               Denise Frakes- life and home coach

6 ways to turn your New Year's Resolution into a successful habit!

 The average New Year's resolution lasts for just 18 days!!  18 days is just the beginning of a good love story.
 Unless we know the secret to keeping our resolutions and turning them into a love story. Those beautiful, passionate wishes and dreams we have for 2020 will be gone in 18 days.

Why do we fail and why are we afraid to even try?  We can blame our brains.  We are all creatures of habit.  Our brains are wired to create habits.  Habits help us go on automatic pilot, which conserves our energy.  We have super efficient brains.  It is our gift and like all gifts it can also become our Achilles' heel.

Once our brain decides our consistent actions are a habit- it will hold on for dear life.  Did you know most of our deep rooted habits are formed before we are 9 years old?  We learn by mirroring our family and those closest to us.  This is one of the main reasons family habits get passed from generation to generation.  We are wired to repeat.  That's the good new and bad new.  Great if you have beautiful healthy habits.  Bad news if your habits are less than awesome.

So what does this have to do with New Year's resolutions and the 18 day average?  Everything!!!  When we make a new years resolution we need to change habits.  Before we can add on a new habit we need to at least identify what habit we want to reduce or illuminate.  Real change is habit changing. Or substituting one action for another.

 Resolutions give us vision...but it's the daily actions that gives us results. 

Habits require:  Consistency, Persistency and Tender Loving Care

   Research says the average habit takes 66 days to become a habit.  A more complicated habit can take up to 254 days... and that is if the new habit is practiced with daily frequency and diligence.  If we don't take consistent care, in about 18 days our existing  habits will rise up and take their rightful space in our brains again.  This overrides our beautiful New Year's Resolutions and leaves them to wilt.

Think of Your new years habits as baby seeds.  Seeds need time to sprout, to grow roots to make it past the dirt and into sunshine.

6 tips to turn resolutions into totally doable habits that grow deep roots!

1.  Make you new goal a tiny daily action.  Doable- everyday in any weather.  I know want big changes... the best way to get there is through habits.  Start with a habit that is so simple and small An action you can do everyday not matter what...even on those days when you run out of time, have company show up, it's raining, you have a cold...life happens.  On the great days, you can do more but the key to a habit is persistence, frequency and consistency.  Doing a little bit every day. 1 mile or 15 minutes of walking, Unplugging from social media at 9pm...

2.  Tag it with an existing habit.  What do you already do everyday?  Add your habit to that habit.  Your brain wont complain.  It's like adding a chicken to the hen house at night.  You already have the space and time...Your brain likes that.

3.  Use time habits.  Time is consistent. We are habitual about what we do at certain times of the day.  Add your new habit to your morning, when you get home from work, before you settle in and watch TV, turn on the computer each night, before bed...add in your new healthy habit.

4.  Give it an ending date.   Instead of telling your brain.  "You have to do this the rest of your life..."  Say "I'm going to try this for 66 days and then see how we are doing."  At the end of 66 days you can make a intentional decision to adjust your habit, stop it or continue... Giving yourself an out, reduces stress. Staying with your new habit past 66 days gives you time to nourish a habit and see how it is impacting your life...  (1000 days of continual action moves you to becoming a master...)

5.  Give it a home.  By having a consisting time of day or a place in your schedule, you give your new habit a home.  We need to create space for what is truly important. Everything and everyone feels better when there is a nourishing home to go to.  Habits are the same way.  Create a cozy home for your friend.

6  Build one habit at a time.  Habits need care and focus.  It's better to fully develop one true habit than watch a huge dream wash away again this year.  Instead of one big new years resolution, change a habit a month, or 6 this year or one per season. In a month or two you can start up a another new habit... It's better to slowly create sustainable life changing habits over an entire year- than have one big dream loose footing in 18 days.

One little change can start a domino effect of many changes.  By cultivating habits we use our brains to help us create change.  If you want to learn more... one of my favorite resources and inspirations for this blog was Tom Corely's book:  Change your habits, Change your life.  It's an easy read that packs a big punch...kind of like habits.

Start here:  Look at your wishes, dreams, new year's resolutions or even the word or intention of the year.  Look at a habit you might want to reduce.... or a habit you can add.  (habit- daily persistent action) Apply your resolution habit... to the one or more of the 6 tips and turn your wishes into habits.

Let me know what and how your are doing!  Having support is good for habits and goals... we are over 65% more likely to achieve our goals with support.  I love being a coach!!

Happy New Year and New Decade!!
          Denise- home and life coach

FYI:  If you click here to buy Tom's book.  I got set up as an affiliate of Amazon this year so I can add income to support this blog.  If you want to support me, please by the book through the link, hire me to speak at your events or as your own personal coach.  Thank you and happy habit creating...

What day should you clean your house?

I have given this question a tremendous amount of thought... Seriously, odd amounts of ponderings. When I was a kid, my mom cleaned on Saturdays...which meant I cleaned on Saturdays.  Over the years I've tried cleaning on Saturdays- all times, Monday mornings, Tuesday afternoons, Sunday nights, hardly ever on Thursdays and Friday mornings.

I explore cleaning...it's a thing … My quest has been long and deep

Cleaning re-boots our lives and un-muddles our homes.  It creates a cozy, nourishing space to rest and play.  Cleaning is even one of the 7 essentials for a healthy home.  I can go on and on...you know I can.  I've written about cleaning on this blog for 10 years!  A kindly cleaned home is good for the soul.  This I get, no question there is value of what cleaning does for our lives.  But...

When do we clean???

The when of cleaning...here are my discoveries from a life of cleaning as a practice...

Cleaning needs space.  If I don't have a designated time and day to clean, cleaning gets put off and before I know it my house is muddled, dust bunnies run wild and I no longer have a cozy life.  Having a rhythm to this practice of cleaning- creates a natural ease in your life.  Cleaning needs space- consistent time just for cleaning...putting your life back in order.

 Early Friday morning is my favorite time.

    Each day of the week has a natural energy to it.  It's like what farmers do when they plant with the moon's rhythms.   There is a time to grow, to weed, to plant and a time to rest. The days of the week have a similar feel.  Friday's has the energy of completion for the week, love and art.  This is the perfect energy for cleaning.  I get my home in order and I use cleaning as a lovely practice of love and artistic play.  Super early Fridays morning is my absolutely my preferred space for home TLC

 When I need my creativity to be ignited.  

   Cleaning jump starts my brain for writing and creating.  If I want to write about cleaning, or give a talk on clutter, the best way to dig in is to start with cleaning. We get ideas when we shower, go on walks, cook etc.  By getting out of our brain and into methodical physical movement, our brains relax and our creativity gets a kick start. Cleaning cleans my brain.

 When I'm stressed, feeling ungrounded or don't know where to start... I clean.

    Cleaning is the great de-stressor.  Having my home in order makes me feel like my life is in order... When my home is messy...it's usually a sign my life is going in too many directions.  Cleaning brings me back to center and relaxes my nervous system.  When my thoughts are muddled, I organize my books and paper.  I use cleaning as productive therapy.

For 2 hours. 

   Like all things, cleaning will take up whatever time I give it.  I like two hours.  By cleaning in a designated 2 hour block, my mind will stay clear and focused.  I will get whatever needs done- done.  And here is the bonus...by only giving myself 2 hours to clean, I focus more on prevention during the week so when I do clean I have less to do.  Be firm with yourself- set a time boundary for your cleaning and then be super focused and present when you do clean.  (shut off distractions)

 

After and before... 
   After a big project or event, cleaning re-grounds me and re-boots my space.  After a trip, work project, party... my home and life need to be cleaned up and put away before I move on.  On the opposite side, I clean before I begin a project or have an event.  I did extra cleaning before we had thanksgiving at our house.  This type of cleaning is more like a project and event related vs weekly maintenance.  Having a clean home helps you welcome people into your home---with less stress.

Did that help?  Here is the thing.  Cleaning is a gift or it is a burden.  It supports you or depletes you.  How you do your work has more to do with your attitude, habits and wisdom than it does the actual work.  It is what we say it is.

Happy cleaning,
          Denise... traveler of life chores and dust bunnies

Beauty is a state of being

We don't buy beauty.  Beauty is a state of being.  True beauty is found in the moments.  It catches our breath and expands our heart.

 I remember stripping coatings off slate floors.  A plastic, shiny, muddled coating covering up.  When we  removed the coating, I was amazed time and time again how the real beauty became visible.  It wasn't something to be added but something to be removed.  The essence of the stone of was there all along.

When I looked at those floors, when Dallas looked, what we started seeing was the texture, the colors, the lines, the art.  We saw images and even fossils of plants imbedded in those slate floors.  The idea of covering up the true authentic beauty of something naturally created millions of years ago seemed wrong. It was such a waste.

To be able to see beauty is a practice in seeing.  Shiny and enhanced beauty is easy to spot- but that kind of beauty can be washed off, or stripped off.  The kind of beauty I'm talking about is awareness of a deep beauty.  I see it in winter, when the leaves are gone.  The trees become works of art.  I saw this beauty when I would travel to see my family in Holyoke Colorado.   Driving in plains of Colorado, miles and miles of sage brush, rolling hills and open space, my heart would expand. -literally- I could feel it.  So can my mom.

I can see this beauty in myself when I wake up, all ruffled and messy from sleep.  Or come in from a run or walk in the woods.  Nothing fancy- just happy.  I see this beauty in acts of kindness, creative ideas, play.  I saw it in the my friend as we walked in the woods this morning.  I even see it in myself.

Just a moment in time...this morning

To me beauty is a practice.  If you want to be beautiful.  Learn to see beauty, to feel beauty, to give beauty.  To be present, nourished and at ease.  To eat foods that nourish your skin, your cells, your digestive system and your soul.  To sleep deeply and richly.  To smile for the pure joy of smiling and as a practice of smiling.

If you like wearing make up and it gives you joy, it is part of your creative essence that's beautiful too.  When you wash off your make up, your creative expression, and look in the mirror, smile at the radiant being looking back at you.  Like the naked slate floors...this is where the true beauty lives.

 Early morning walk in the woods, this is a great place to find true beauty!!

 

How to Activate Your Super Power in Work

Go from focus to play & ignite your super power

 According to Cal Newport, in his book Deep Work, our ability to work fully focused and undistracted is a super power.  According to Brandon Burchard in his book High Performance Habits, taking a productive pause between focused working segments is just as important.

 Focused Deep Work will catapult us forward on our projects and out of overwhelm.

The Intentional Pause will keep our minds sharp and let us finish our day invigorated. 

I agree!

"Deep work is the ability to focus without distraction on a cognitively demanding task. It’s a skill that allows you to quickly master complicated information and produce better results in less time. Deep work will make you better at what you do and provide the sense of true fulfillment that comes from craftsmanship. In short, deep work is like a super power in our increasingly competitive twenty-first century economy." Cal Newport  Deep Work

The practice of deep work
 100% fully present
 monotasking - one very specific project or task
set timer
phones off
social media off
tv off
all interruptions paused
task - goal clear
focus 100 % on project
Benefit- super power activated

The practice of intentional pausing 
100% present and unplugged from focused task
set timer 5-10-15 minutes
step outside
stretch- move:  especially if you have been sitting at a desk
hydrating and balancing your blood sugar
breathe from your belly
play, throw a ball,  juggle, skip, dance
take a short walk
Look at nature
Eat your lunch outside- away from your desk
Focus 100% away from work
Benefit- super power activated

Repeat throughout your workday or project

 When your timer goes off. Stop!
 Step away from your desk or project.   Think recess, play, shut off brain

Set your timer for the pause too.  Distractions are everywhere- even in our play

Value and commit to pausing as much as you are to the work.
The Pause is equally as important as the work itself.

The pause is what will keep your mind sharp and your energy strong.  It is what will help you finish the day refreshed.

By becoming fully present and pausing we give our brains a chance to turn on their super powers.

Challenge:
Try deep work and intentional pausing for a day.  Let me know how it goes.
This practice is incredibly effective on mentally challenging tasks but equally helpful on boring or mundane tasks.   This practice of focusing on and then off, can be used on any task from writing a grant, downsizing your paper clutter, to even watching TV.  The most important part is to become present, fully intentional of your task and setting your timer to help you focus and then reboot.

The Practice of Smiling as a Meditation

The practice of smiling as a meditation is one of the most profound and flexible meditations you will ever find.  By thoughtfully taking time to smile, no matter the weather, day's events or season, you will not only relax your nervous system and up your resiliency but you also become present.

The Practice of Smiling as a Meditation

   by Thich Nhat Hahn from Be Free Where you are

  "Smiling is a practice.  There are over 300 muscles in your face.

When you are angry or fearful, these muscles tense up.

The tension in these muscles creates a feeling of hardness.

If you know how to breathe and produce a smile however, the tension will disappear."

"Make smiling an exercise."

"There are times when your joy produces a smile.

There are also times when a smile causes relaxation, calm and joyu.

I do not wait until there is joy in me to smile:  Joy will come later

Sometimes when I am along in my room in the dark, 

 I practice smiling to myself.

I do this to be kind to myself, to take good care of myself, to love myself.

I know that if I cannot take care of myself, I cannot take care of anyone else."

"Being compassionate to yourself is a very important practice.  

When you are tired, angry or in despair,

you should know hoe to take care of your tiredness, your anger and your despair.

That is why we practice smiling, mindful walking, breathing and mindful eating."

To create smiling as a practice, I recommend incorporating this smiling practice into an already established habit.  Something you do everyday- rain or shine: washing your face, cooking dinner, exercising, driving, right before you go to sleep and when you wake up.  By connecting this new baby practice with a current habit you are using what is called a trigger habit.  When you connect a new habit with an existing habit it ups its chances of becoming a habit exponentially.

Just a FYI, there are days this practice comes easy and there are times it is a deep practice.                     Be kind, consistent and persistent - the benefits are huge!!

Happy travels,
      Denise
                                         Life Coach and Speaker for home and health

Quiet time- holiday life saver

My mom taught me a life enriching practice when I was little.
At the time she was a young wife, with 3 young kids.  I imagine she was feeling overwhelmed. To save her sanity my mom instilled what came to be known as quiet time.   After lunch, we all had to be quiet for 1 hour. My older brothers and I could pretty much could do anything we wanted, if we were quiet.  The only rules were: be quiet, stay inside and be safe. We didn't have to nap or do anything specific.   We were free to play and be.

My mom tells me, that first summer, we all balked at quiet time, but the next summer we asked for it.  Beyond, saving my mom's sanity, she says we were all happier and more at ease.  There was less bickering and irritable kids.

I'm all grown up and then some and yet I still crave quiet time.  Time to wonder, ponder, play, nap, run, sit and just be.  As we head into the holidays, you might like to add quiet time, the freedom to do nothing into your day too.  I usually give myself quiet time, first thing in the morning when the house is quiet and day hasn't got legs.

From our family to yours, may your holidays be happy, healthy and easy

                     Denise

 

Prune your chores = Increased Happiness

Cooking, cleaning, shopping, errands etc... our chores will expand in our lives until we start pruning. Without a bit of clutter clearing our freedom is squished and smashed.  Our chores and habits are closely related they silently and quietly move into our lives talking up our time and energy until we are exhausted and bogged down by life..

    The laws of money say your expenses will match and exceed your income unless you create intentional boundaries and awareness to stop the over spending.    The same is true of our chores.  Our in boxes, to do lists and daily chores can become time clutter.   Our lists of daily, weekly  and seasonal responsibilities needs periodic pruning.  Before the holidays appear, downsize your chores, giving yourself breathing room to play and celebrate.

Downsizing- deleting-delegating chores = Increased happiness

This week I came across a study... How buying time promotes happiness  The study tested the hypothesis of how spending money on material goods would compare to spending money on activities that saved time on our chores.  It turns our we are significantly happier spending money on saving time on our chores than on new stuff.

5 tips to Pruning your Autumn Chores

 Start slashing, cutting and simplifying your chores- get your knife sharp and mind clear 

    1)  Become aware...Pay attention to what you are doing each day- how much time and energy you spend on chores??

    2)  Unclutter your self imposed work!  How have your chores expanded over time?

            How many grocery stores do you go to each week?

            Do you have more stuff to dust around.

            Can your meals be simplified?  Can you use fewer dishes?

    3)  Delegate!  Hire! Buy!  Sometimes all you have to do is ask for help.

             Other times you might want to hire out.  A housecleaner, an decluttering coach, dinner out

                Help to the rescue!!  Get help!!!!!  Lighten your load!!

     4)  Simplify! Simplify! Simplify!
              Cook less but bigger batches,  Eat simply, enjoy left overs

              Downsize your possessions- less is more free time

              Shop less, shop fewer places, shop with a clear list

     5)  Just do it- Decide to reduce!   Open up your creative juices to see how many "required" chores can be simplified, downsized, reduced and deleted!

  This last quarter of 2019 sets the stage for next year.  Start by following our seasonal cues.  Let go of your leaves, let plants die away, harvest and prune your chores.  Less is more in our lives.  We don't need to go on vacation for freedom.  Freedom can be found everyday of our lives.  Breathing space is a gift it is the best gift you can ever give yourself and those you love.  Chores are there to support us in our lives...we were not created to mark off our daily chore lists

As always, I wish you great joy in your daily travels,

              Denise Frakes
    Personal and home coach... at your service